As if I need a reason

So,
As if I need a reason to know that I love my family, to know that I wouldn't want to miss a single minute of their lives, to know that with out each other we'd all be lost. I thought, think, that I have cancer. Skin cancer to be precise. One of those terrible kinds of caner that sneaks up on you. You can't feel it (at first) you can barley see it. And unless you know every single inch of your body, you could have it for years and not know it was there. It's a terrible cancer that could kill you before you ever knew you had it.

Why do I think this? I have a couple of moles that look odd to me, there not round, there not flat and smooth and their not one color. Everything, every website Ive read says you should look for. Does it scare me? Beyond words. most skin cancer is treatable with a 5 year life expectancy of about 98% for stages one and two. If you don't know anything about cancers, that's an amazing survival rate! and stages one and two are the early onset, not aggressive yet. stages 3 and 4 are the scariest ones. There are more numbers to cancer of course like the depth of them and if there metastasised or not. But that basic stage tells you your chances!

I have put this off for a while simply because I just did not want to hear bad news. I know it seems stupid, but life is just happier when you don't have bad news hanging over you like a cloud. When every plan you make is attached with a "if". But then we watched this movie the other day called the Bucket list. I almost cried through the whole thing. When it was over, I got out my laptop and began researching. I talked to Adam and we made and appointment. I have never felt sicker in my life. I did not want to walk into that office building today!

(Here is how it went)
OK, well here's the deal as it stands now. I went to my regular doctor today. He kinda glanced at the couple of spots and said, "oh it should be fine". Then said here's what we are searching for and drew a pic and described the very mole I was worried about!
However, he never touched me or got out a light or anything. Adam and I both left feeling really uneasy about what he had to say.
So, I made an appointment with the skin cancer & dermatology institute of Northern Nevada Reno. It's in two weeks on the 25Th. If nothing else, they will map my body as weird as that sounds. Like where all of my moles are and take pics of ones they want to watch, then in a year I go back, and they look over me again to see if any are changed. However, if they find ones that look odd they will biopsy them and go from there. I so badly want to listen to my doctor and think everything is fine. But its just one of those feelings that something isn't quite right with what he said. Something I just can't shake. Maybe it's reassurance of a second opinion, maybe I'm nuts! However, what ever it is, I'd rather be safe than in five years have someone tell me I should have done it sooner.

I told Adam I almost feel nuts, like people are going to think I want to find something. That is not any further from the truth though. I think what I need is a definitive your OK. So I'm not looking over my shoulder. I think the fact that I have been through the cancer treatments before has me terrified that its happening again.

Adam said, it doesn't matter what any one else thinks, if your uneasy get it checked out by as many doctors as it takes.

I knew then that he was not happy with the doctors answer. If he had believed him, he would have told me to just let it go.
So, maybe I'm fine, maybe I'm crazy & paranoid. What ever the answer to that questions is, were going forward with the other appointment this month for a second opinion from someone who deals with this stuff everyday!