Well, I'm back at it! Today is the start of my first class since the Christmas break in Mid-December. Since I had to take off so much time with the move, I had to re-enroll and fill out new financial aid (which we STILL don't qualify for..but don't get me started on that soap box!) So, I have to fill out paper work for aid I know we won't get because the government requires it before I can be approved for loans! ugh.. but its done. Then I just had to pay for those lovely text books, go buy new supplies, organize my schedule for the rest of the year so the school knows how much to charge me... and sit in on a conference call with my advisor and financial aid officer to determine how many classes I can "afford" this year! why am I going back to school again??

But, now I "get" to start classes... My parents will love to hear that I NOW value the free education that was high school! I know that's amusing, but I guess that's why they call it hindsight. I got a bill the other day for my first year and with the "estimated" interest, if I choose to pay over 119 months.. I owe 10,376.82 for my first year of school... I only have three more left... please don't do the math and report back! I enjoy school, I really do. I am glad I chose to do this for me and hope that I will be able to get a job in the field I want when I am done and that this will all be worth it. but there are days, like today when I look at the laundry that needs to be done and the errands stacking up on my calendar, the books, notebooks and papers piled up for me to read and the reminder of how many nights this week Ill be up till 3 am writing the 3 papers I have due this week. In these moments I truly wonder if I made a big mistake, if I stepped to far out on the ledge with no way back in? What was I thinking? There are reasons 17 year olds go to college! No one is yelling about socks, or complaining because its 7 pm and you are so involved in your paper you forgot that people were waiting for you to feed them!
Then, Adam sent me a text the other day that said, "I'm so proud of how hard you work and how dedicated you are to finishing school." Crap! Now, I have to suck it up and move forward! =0)

I know it sounds as if I am complaining, I truly am not. At least I don't mean to be complaining. Life, just seems to be hard enough, and I hope that this choice does not make my family suffer, that they don't end up feeling like I wasn't there for them because I waited so long to do this. I know at the end there is a light and that once I am working in this field, Ill be happy and able to contribute to our family! YAY ME!
In the meantime, Ill be sneaking in four chapters a week of reading between groceries and bath time, and writing papers while listening to the hum of the dishwasher and sounds of the quite house while everyone sleeps! Maybe, if nothing else, the girls will find the value of education and take advantage of learning before life really begins to happen!


On a side note, we are starting to meet new people. We have had a couple of people over and I've been out of the house a couple of times. It feels weird, like I'm interviewing for a position and I hate that. I think it takes me a long time to open up and be myself around people, as odd as it is to say about me, I'm shy like that! SO, meeting new people is always very hard for me.. well not meeting, but connecting! Every time I meet someone else, they get compared to me best friend who I miss so much! I try not to do this, but its so hard not to compare people to the girl who became much like my sister. I'm finding it hard to call and talk to my friends back in Nevada, since I always want to cry when I think about them... I guess avoiding it doesn't make it better!!
On one hand, I feel silly for missing my friends so much, like a little kid who misses there friend at summer camp. But, I guess you have to understand that I have not lived near my family in over 8 years, so it's always been Adams family around us. In the absence of my family, I had my friends. Our friends and us spent nearly every weekend together, several nights a week, and most holidays together. We went camping together, to events and to dinner. We've watched each others kids grow and have shared in happy times and the loss of loved ones together, much like a family. I don't let many people "in" , so for me, it really does feel like I've lost something. I know that I have not and in time, it will be easier. I think for now its still the shock of moving so far away and everything about our lives changing.

The good thing is we are closer to some of my family and we going to spend Easter with my brother and his family. The first holiday we have spent with them since Makenzie's first Christmas. My mom and her husband are also coming down, so it will be the first time my mom will have all her grand kids around at the same time. So, It's nice we are able to do that now. Its still about a 5 hr drive for us and about 3 for my mom., but its better than the two and three day drives we had before!